it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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