There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I am one with the molecules
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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