Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
