I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
