he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
