I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
