You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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