I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Randomize
