My friends, they love my intelligence
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
