that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
