When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
