So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
