and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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