he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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