I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
