I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
