this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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