DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Randomize
