Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
