So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
