Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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