I have demons in me.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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