I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
