I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
