I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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