Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
