I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I skipped work to stalk him.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
