none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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