Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
