Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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