Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
