hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
