i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
