guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i drank out of a bidet.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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