So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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