May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
