Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
