I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
