so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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