Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
