You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
