i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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