I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
