im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
