I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
