My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
