he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
