I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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