So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Houston, we have a blender
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
