Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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