Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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