My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
