I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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