Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize