butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
