Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
