i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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