no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
