woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
