i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
