Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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