dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
