the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
