his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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