Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
